There is ONE Redeemer!

Today I was thinking about yesterday's post ALL day.  I couldn't stop thinking about that day.  And it wasn't in a way you are imagining.  I thought yesterday was going to be so hard to write, and it was while I was writing it, but today- I felt even more freed from it!  God is STILL at work in my life and He continues to bless me. I was thinking today about how I am SO thankful for what God has allowed to happen to me- even this...

For whithout this event- I wouldn't be the person I am today...it hasn't been an easy road, and no-one ever said it was going to be easy, they only said it was going to be worth it! 

As soon as my parents chose a church for us, they basically dropped us off at the door.  Our first event was a UK hockey game! My sister and I balled our eyes out because niether of us wanted to be there- AT ALL!  We knew absolutely no one and we were watching people get shoved up against the wall in pain, we were freezing our tails off and who wants to be somewhere they don't want to be? 

We sat together the entire night and hardly talked to anyone.  Everyone was nice and introduced themselves, but we were so not there mentally.  We had to be there because mom and dad dropped us off at the door and we had no where else to go! 
That is the night I met my youth minister, Brad.  I guess I won't mention his last name, but I will love this man forever for taking me under his wing.  I needed a wing to heal under, to guard me from the world and its evilness that surrounded me. 

I had an evil living in me now- and it was my own guilt and shame.  I didn't have any peace at all.  I hated people, trusted no one, and hated when people asked me questions because I had NO ANSWER! I shut down.  I was depressed- I hated myself.  I was only 11!

By then, 6th grade had started and we all know teenagers gossip, right?  Can we all admit that?   It seemed like everyone was looking at me like I was the only one in color or something. Everyone knew I "lost my virginity" over the summer.  Parents advised their children not to be friends with me because I was a bad influence.  So who was left?  Yep, you guessed it...the bad kids.  well, I mean, you're either good or bad right?  Not really an in between.  I clung onto the first thing that would accept me the way I was and that was the people who understood me- the people that were "like me" in everyone else's eyes.  Even some of the "good guys" would offer me their lunch money to do sexual favors, and even by rejecting them all, the shame and guilt grew inside- it was a constant reminder of my outward appearance. 

Brad later taught me a saying I won't forget; " You lie with dogs, you get fleas".  "you are who you hang out with".  "If you want to know what you look like to those around you, look at your friends."

OUCH! That wasn't very pretty!

  I was making bad decisions.  The only definition of love I had was from the guy who raped me.  Have you ever heard of the people that are in abusive relationships that stay because that's all they know?  You would ask them, "If you're so miserable, why do you stay?", that was me.  I hated the crowd I was in- but it was the only place I felt accepted- so I stayed.  For 3 years I stayed and for 3 years I got hurt worse.  I had sex willingly after that a few times because I honestly thought that if I was going to be in trouble for it, I might as well do it. (doesn't make a whole lot of sense now, but it did at 11 and 12.)  For that moment,  I would feel wanted.  No one cared in my mind anyway.  I hope you understand how hard this is for me to tell you...I know some people reading this will never understand why I am doing this- but I know ONE who does!  Hopefully this will reach the people who need to hear that YOUR PURITY CAN BE RESTORED!!! I know a Redeemer and He is the Only One who is worthy of Redeeming you! His name is Jesus.  You see, there was a day when I was 14, Nov 14 to be exact.  I was listening to a couple talk to our class about sexual immorality and purity.  How keeping yourself pure is so important to your marriage..(Song of Solomon) and how we are worthy of Redemption in God's eyes.  They read from God's Word, the Bible- that God can and wants to restore our purity- that from that point on, my purity could be restored! Thats what I had wanted since the day it was taken from me!

I began to learn that our self-image can not come from what others think about us- 1 Samuel 16:7 tells us that man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.  I wanted to be accepted as ME and for my heart and for the truth.  At that point in my life, I just wanted to be loved- and I didnt even know what that really looked like.  I just knew something was missing, and this was it!  God filled the void in my heart and He continues to fill the void today! 

I am grateful for being dropped off at church.  Guys- I seriously believe I wouldn't be alive today if God had not reached down and pulled me out of that crowd!  Only God and me knew the danger I was in! There were drugs and guns and murders all around me. There was evil and dark places not many knew of.  There were bad things happening to good people all the time.

If this is you, or someone you know- there is a way out!   I want to share with you how God restores your soul- your desires- your love and passion for things that are not of this world!  I want you to love yourself!  All teenage girls are planning their weddings in their mind- and that is wonderful and dreamy, but which ones are planning their marriages?  Which ones are in love with the idea of getting married in a beautiful gown in front of all their loved ones, and how many teenage girls are in love or even know the men they are about to marry?  Folks- marriage these days is sadly not about the marriage and the covenant between man and woman as it was created- it is about wanting out- wanting a "new life", our "own life", some place we can make our own rules, be loved and held and carressed...I can not stress enough how important it is to love yourself and be content with being single!  NO ONE WILL EVER ACCEPT YOU THE WAY GOD DOES!  Not even your spouse!  No one person will ever fill your needs, and you can not fill anyone else's.  No one is perfect, and everyone will dissapoint you.  Your spouse will hurt you in one way or another.  I promise.  Our society is taught to RUN!   We are taught to forgive. And Jesus Redeems!