Stop Running, Start Jogging!

Today has been crazy!  Trying to keep up with the ever-changing economy in the mortgage business- enough said!  I love what I do for a living, but to be honest- I can't wait to get home to see how many people are viewing my blog!  I'm starting to enjoy talking to you people out in cyberspace. Sometimes it feels like a one way conversation, but I hope there are some out there that are seeing The hope of this world is not IN this world! 

"I am a runner".  My sister commented on my "Bad Day" post, and tears fell down my cheeks as I read these words.  I am a runner too.  I have run from my problems my entire life.  When I got into high school, every time I had a boyfriend that did the smallest thing that hurt me, I ran from it.  I would trade him for a new one.  If a friend hurt me, I would find new friends.  If I felt like I was getting ready to be hurt emotionally- or dissapointed- I RAN.  I would have rather hurt them then be hurt.  This has carried over into my adult life and I am just now understanding this about me.  I didn't know I was running while I was running.  I thought I was "living up to my standards".  What I was doing was holding grudges, burning bridges, and not showing others the forgiveness God had shown to me! 

I had a boyfriend all through high school that I REALLY loved!  Those of you that know him, please keep him anonymous... I regretted running from him for years after we broke up.  He was my first true love.  He understood me, he knew me, and (maybe) he loved me too, but I ran!  I was afraid of being hurt.  I was afraid to be vulnerable.  I finally became so selfish in the relationship that I drove him away.  God had other plans for both of us, and I am thankful for God placing him in my life as the first example of what a godly man and friend looked like.  He was truly the first guy I actaully trusted since the bad day.

I have learned someting in my adult life- actually in the past 2 years....You can't love and not be vulnerable.  When you love someone, you will be hurt.  When love is involved in ANY relationship, sacrifices will have to be made, changes will have to be endured, and forgiveness will be crucial!

I am also a runner- physically.  I LOVE to run! When I am running, I think.  It's my time alone with God, its my time I analyze my life and my self and who I am and what I am becoming.  All while burning those dreadful calories that tend to stick more when you hit 30 ;) 

I titled this blog "stop running, start jogging" because of this...at some point I had to stop running.  There are many more times in my life I have run when I should have endured and I will certainly share those in future posts and how it turned out for me, but now- instead of running from my problems, I jog on the ground.  I clear my mind in prayer while running.  Instead of sitting at home and crying about it, or re-doing the very thing that hurt, I get outside, and I jog! So instead of allowing my heart to run emotionally, I allow my feet to jog in rythym with the sound of God's living word!  His Word is active too!

I wrote a piece when I was 14 that describes the way I felt about myself.  The way I didn't understand why I would keep going back to the things I knew would hurt me.  I will try to find this piece and put it in a later post.  Romans 7:15 says, "I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." NIV

So if you're a runner like me (emotionally) stop running, and start SOMETHING!  Find something you love to do that just involves you and when you feel yourself starting to run from yourself- run with yourself to freedom- freedom fom being a slave to your sin, to a life of freedom in Christ!  He is our only freedom from ourselves and our desire to run!  Who wants to go jogging?