Day 1

I was born in 1981...my mom said I was beautiful when she first saw me...then I was delivered back to the room and SHE SENT ME BACK!  Said I didnt belong to her because I was SO UGLY!  They double-checked the wristband and it was correct.  I belonged to her....


She snuck in the back entrance of the apartments when she brought me home and covered me up so no one would see me.  I was purple, swollen, you couldn't hardly see my eyes.  I was not the "perfect baby" she imagined showing off.  Neighbors found out I was home and she said she had never been so embarrased to show off this baby! 


...That was ME! 


I'm starting this blog at the age of 30 because I have been convicted by GOD to share my story.  The masterpiece He has created!  I believe we would NEVER write our lives the way God has, but those of us that serve God would NEVER re-write it any differently!  Sometimes in my life up to this point, it has been very hard for me to share the story of how I grew to be me- because alot of people look at me like I'm crazy or exaggerating, or lying.  I can't see the look on your face right now, and you can't see me.  Right now, I like it that way.  This is me venturing out.  This is me-but this is God's story!


Some days will be filled with tears, joy, fear, hate, drugs, sex, and maybe even rock and roll, but it all fits in my cupboard.  At the end of the day when we lay our heads down, we all go into our private cupboards and shut the door.  We shut out the rest of the world and we have to be true to ourselves.  We can only hide the truth of our lives from everyone except God and ourselves. 


Each day I will post a new day in my cupboard.  What I saw...what God was doing, but what only me and God knew.  Alot of this will be surreal.  Alot of this will seem dark and demented and evil.  It was.  And only God and I knew it was there.  So now, I'm inviting you into my cupboard to look around.  Pick items up and touch them, smell them, look through them, but one thing I do ask- please use them! 


If there is ONE person that can benefit from this blog and the story of me that God has created- it will be worth EVERY SECOND!  God wants to work through me, I am only a tool.  Please use me.  Please share this blog with any girl, boy, woman, or man who has ever suffered with low self-esteem, feeling alone, suicidal thoughts, low self-worth, or wanting to feel accepted.  Please tell me your thoughts, your needs, your prayer requests, or any special needs of children and teens.  If I am able to help I will. 


I understand the depth of this blog.  And I am truly scared.  I know the POWER God posseses and I know I can do NOTHING without Him!  (John 15:5) I am just a girl. I am just a person like you with a story.  You have one too.  I was just told to share mine here.  So here I go.  Those of you that know me well, please pray for me.  ;)