During my high school years, I tried coming out of my cupboard a time or two! I tried to show the world that inwardly I was someone trying to escape from my own prison. I wanted the outside to look like the inside felt- and it didn't!
Have you ever heard the expression from one person to the other, "Man, you look like I feel."? Well, that's how I felt most of the time. I would see people surrounding me that looked the way I felt inside, and it was not how I looked to everyone else around me!- and I HATED IT!
So I began searching for worldly things that would show the world, and those closest to me, that I was different. When I was 15, I was in the Miss Teen of Kentucky pageant. It was my first pageant I had ever taken part in. I won first place in my age group and third place for the entire competition! On the outside, everyone was so proud of me- just like I had wanted, but I was dissapointed to know that the success of the pageant didn't bring me joy! I felt good about myself for a short time, but those feelings wore off.
I have also always enjoyed singing- my entire life I have been singing everywhere I go! My sister used to get SO sick of hearing me sing...even the babysitters would have me sing to them and my sister would roll her eyes as if to hear me sing one more time was going to kill her!
When I was a senior in high school, I was invited to audition for the BackStreet Boys' Millenium album. I remember this very vividly. We sat in a room at our school for hours and listened to one of the band members play "Perfect Fan" over and over and over again. We had to claim a part- soprano, alto, tenor, or base- of course I chose Soprano. We were given blank staff paper and told to write our part by listening to the piano! (There is NO way I could do this now, just in case you are wondering;)) I succesffuly completed this task and was invited to record this song with them as a backup singer and I remain a voice on thier "Milennium" CD to this day. I was also in two LIVE concerts at Rupp Arena in Lexington, KY as a backup singer on this song. I remember the crowd, being on stage in front of thousands of people, the body guards who protected us on and off the stage... I remember the flashes from all the cameras. I will never forget that feeling of fame! It was a moment in my life that everyone wishes they had, at least the not-so-shy people anyways! ;) I was there, I had made it! I had accomplished something that I felt people should be proud of- something that made me stand above the crowd instead of blending in or getting trampled on! And the fame lasted a brief moment and it too was gone.
I was beginning to notice something- living the life I had wanted for a while to prove my worth- was here! And it might have gained me some popularity in the world, but inwardly, I was nothing more to myself than I was in the quiet of my room when no one was looking.
I came across this quote by the famous Vince Lombardi one day many many years ago as I was living this life I thought would satisfy my craving of victory...and this is what it says,
“After all the cheers have died down and the stadium is empty, after the headlines have been written, and after you are back in the quiet of your room and the championship ring has been placed on the dresser and after all the pomp and fanfare have faded, the enduring thing that is left is the dedication to doing with our lives the very best we can to make the world a better place in which to live.” Vince Lombardi
I know this isn't scripture by any means, but it hit home to me. I mean, I could be as successful as this world allowed me, and I could stretch myself to the limits to fullfill my dreams of "success" and "fame" in this world, but eventually the concerts were over, the body guards went home, and the cameras stopped flashing- eventually I was alone again, waiting for the next bit of fame or attention to make me "feel" accepted.
I want every girl and boy- young and old- to know that we do not get our self- worth from being accepted by our peers, our boyfriends, girlfriends, teachers, pastors, youth ministers, enemies, our siblings, or even our parents! We are no different because we look different or have a few extra pounds to lose or wear braces, or have a big nose. No- we are given our self-worth by Our Creator Himself! The King of Kings- the Lord of Lords! The Victory has been won- and the grave has been defeated! There is a hymn that I love to sing- it goes like this,
I HEARD AN OLD,
OLD STORY
HOW A SAVIOUR CAME
FROM GLORY
HOW HE GAVE HIS LIFE
ON CALVARY
TO SAVE SOMEONE LIKE ME
I HEARD ABOUT
HIS GROANING,
OF HIS PRECIOUS BLOOD'S
ATONING
THEN I REPENTED
OF MY SIN
AND WON THE VICTORY
OH, VICTORY IN JESUS,
MY SAVIOUR FOREVER
HE SOUGHT ME
AND HE BOUGHT ME
WITH HIS REDEEMING BLOOD
HE LOVED ME
ERE I KNEW HIM
AND ALL MY LOVE
IS DUE HIM
HE PLUNGED ME TO VICTORY
BENEATH THE
CLEANSING BLOOD
I HEARD ABOUT HIS
HEALING,
OF HIS CLEANSING POW'R
REVEALING
HOW HE MADE THE LAME
TO WALK AGAIN
AND CAUSED THE
BLIND TO SEE
AND THEN I CRIED
"DEAR JESUS,
COME AND HEAL
MY BROKEN SPIRIT"
AND SOMEHOW JESUS
CAME AND BROUGHT
TO ME THE VICTORY
Wow- I didn't have to chase the victory, and I didn't even have to try. It wasn't anything I could work for and it surely wasn't something I deserved. The victory was brought to me! No matter how victorious I became in the this world, it could NEVER compare to the victory I have in Christ!
I now understand the importance of the family name of belonging to God- a child of God. I hold a royal position that every girl dreams of becoming! It is making millions on television and dream worlds for little girls nationwide! It is a title every girl dreams of- but none of them will hardly attain- I am a daughter of THE KING-I am a Princess and I am more content with this title than ever being famous or accepted by this world because I know who gave me my name! We can't be princes and princesses without a King as a Father! There is no higher position I could hold and there is no greater joy I could ever gain that could compare to the JOY of belonging to the ONE KING of the entire world! That title doesn't go home, and that position never leaves the stage! No one is taking pictures, and no one receives a championship ring! What I have received is true contentment, joy, and an understanding of this world that is far beyond what this world has to offer! My Victory is in Jesus- and THAT my friends- is fame!
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