So some days I know what to write about before I start typing, and other nights, well- it doesn't come so easy. Tonight is one of those nights it hasn't come so easy! I feel like I have so much to share that I don't have enough time to sit here and write it and you don't have enough time to sit here and read it! So its a challenge sometimes to write only about one event or one emotion.
If any of you reading this were involved in this next event- you will remember how much I truly LOVED this! If you have never been on a mission trip- even in the States, down the street, around the corner, or to a third world country, I would highly recommend it! I was 14, and I hadn't been a Christian long...I was still a baby in that sense- I needed guidance about 24 hours a day! Maybe 25! I had been so used to living a certain way that even the idea of changing wore me completely out- no one understood in my mind! Who would want me knowing where I've been? I'm not worth anything to anyone- what do I have to offer anyone? Those were the thoughts I had of myself!
So I signed up to go on a local mission trip just to get out of the house. I was beginning to love people again. I still didn't trust many people- hardly any in fact- but I wanted this! I wanted to go to McCreary County, KY. It was 2 hours down a local major 6 lane road. It was also the thrid poorest county in the nation. We were going to help kids with VBS and to build homes. This was my main expectation. We were going to help people that needed help. That was it.
Well- God had more in store for me than I had EVER imagined! When we first got there, we were briefed by some leaders of an organization called CAP (Christian Appalachain Project) and they explained that we should respect these people we will be helping. There may be bugs in the house- we shouldn't scream and say, "Ooooh!". We shouldn't act surprised when we see things that may seem out of the ordinary for us. We should love on them, and if we had questions or problems, we should ask our leaders in a discrete manner as to not offend the local people. It was definitely a different society!
I will never forget walking up to the door of the first house- and I fell slap through the floor beneath me! The wood had wrotted out and it was not stable at all! After I try not to act surprised, we go inside and we look around. There are chickens running through the house- literally THROUGH the house- in the front and out the back because the only doors that were on the house did not close. The entire house had dirt floors and as far as I could see, I did not see ONE BED, ONE piece of furniture, nothing. They had no running water and no electricty. They grew their own gardens so they could eat. The little kids didn't have shoes on thier feet and one little boy even had a huge scar from the base of his neck straight down his chest to about his belly button. I was sitting next to him when Brad asked him, "hey man, what happened to your chest? Did you have to have surgery?" The kid may have been five years old- and he replied, "Oh no- see that rooster over there- he got me." and he ran off like it was nothing. Brad and I looked at each other in amazement like- Holy cow- why is it still alive? But these fighting roosters were all they had as a means for survival! They must have had 20 of them tied to barrels in the yard.
Another family had 11 children and their house has burned down so they moved into their childrens' treehouse. Literally! It was so amazing to see how much work they had completed on this tree house! They had built two stories out of wood from fallen trees! There was no roof and no stairs to the second floor- so we were able to build on to it for them! They too- had no electricity or running water. Remember- this is 2 hours down the road from where I lived daily in my comfortable house each day!
There was another family who lived in a burnt down school bus in the middle of the field.
This small one week trip changed my ENTIRE LIFE! I noticed something about these people- they first of all, had nothing! No clothes on their backs, no shoes on their feet, no food to feed thier families except what they had grown. They didn't even have a place I would have considered a home! But I was SO jealous of them! Yes- I said it! I looked at these families, and I envied them! I wanted what they had! I had all the riches in the world compared to them- I had the things to be jealous of- the bed, the home, the heat, the clothes, shower, covers at night, school, shoes, all of it! And in my eyes, they had it all! They had contentment. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't buy what they had! They had nothing and they were so content with each other! I had everything and was content with nothing!
This is when God really began to work on my heart! He taught me humbleness in a tangible way and he showed me love not through a boyfriend or a parent- but through watching a family truly love each other even in the depths of poverty. That first trip opened my eyes to what acceptance really is. It made me realize that it didn't matter what everyone else thought of me- or even what I thought of myself. My life belongs to God and it is His position that gives me my name. I was no different in God's eyes than those families that were standing in my presence! We were all the same for a moment- and I loved it! I wanted to strip everything I had from me and start over. I wanted to be where they were- but I had to come back home to reality. I came back to a cupboard of my daily life. My reality set in again, and I had to go back to my normal routine of never being good enough!
Each summer, I looked so forward to this mission trip because not only did we get the chance to help thoe families in a physical way, but it was the one time each year that I grew to feel like I was one step closer to knowing what it was like to live with God. God was beginning to use me and my life to bring people to Himself.
One little girl broke my heart. I asked her one day, "Do you know who Jesus is?" this was her reply, "Does He live here in McCreary county, because if he does, I probably know him." That little girl's name was Kristy. Thats all I remember. She came to know Jesus over the years as her personal Lord and Savior! I began to see God working through me- and it was amazing to me that God was not only capable, but also willing to use such a broken vessel such as myself!
As the years passed, God taught me that it is the broken vessels He works best through because of just that- we are broken! When our bodies and hearts do things that we are not "able" to do on our own, it is God who gets ALL the Glory because everyone knows we couldn't have done it alone! So each year I kept returning and each year, I joined God in His work. Little did I know- He was working on me as much as He was working through me!
I am forever thankful for those years-and I think about them still- sometimes I feel so broken- like I'm not good enough- or I have messed my life up so much that God has no interest in someone like me! Well- I now believe it is the total opposite! We serve a God that will leave 99 sheep and risk losing them to chase after the ONE that has wandered away! I was that one! And He used events like this to draw me to HImself in a way that would humble me and bring me closer to Him. Are you that one today? Because if you are- you don't have to run to Him and you can't run from Him forever! All you have to do is turn around and acknowledge He's there- because He is always right there behind us! It is us who turns our back on Him...the great news is His love abounds more than our sin ever thought of existing!
I honestly believe that the people on this Earth that have experienced God's forgiveness are able to live in contentment! We may not always be happy in this world or have everything we want or think we need- but there is a constant love and there is a way to be content- even through the rough stuff! How will God use you today- even as you are broken?
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