Why ME?

Since the time I was 14, I have been called to women! I never had a ton of girlfriends my age, they have always been older girls and women.  I never could relate to anyone my age.  While other 14 year olds were going to the mall and meeting at the movies and friends' houses, I was either at youth group or alone at home in my room; I was searching for the answers to all the questions I had about what love is.  I was writing prayers out of shame and guilt or out of desperation to understand the depth of the one thing I could not dare to fathom- LOVE- that four letter word that I couldn't bare to talk about to anyone other than me!

As I grew in my understanding of love, my passion for other girls grew stronger! I started to ask the question which we have all pondered at one point or another- Why ME?  Why was it me that was raped? Why was it me that was alone in my room? Why was it me that everyone thought badly of? Why was it me that I could never do anything right? Why was it me that I couldn't tell the truth about what happened? Why was it me God chose to be raped? Why was it me God chose to save? Why was it my heart in which God was placing a passion for women? and why- oh why- would God think that He could use me?

My questions went on and on...some being answered and some not being answered to this day- but one certain thing God has taught me and that is this:

My calling isn't to understand WHY, my calling is to DO! I may never know why bad things happen to good people, or why the bad people often seem to be blessed beyond measure, but I do know that God uses each event and every soul to His Glory!  And with the events that have happened in my life, many of which I have not even shared on here yet, I KNOW that God can use them!  I have never been addicted to drugs, I have been around them, and been in some horrifying situations because of them, but I can not relate to the people and friends I have that have been found by friends and family foaming at the mouth from overdoses!  I can not relate to the people who have drunk parents who beat them, or who have no parents in the home.  I can not relate to the Athiest or to the Mormon, or the Buddhist- but I CAN relate to those people who have been raped.  I can explain to the parents of these children what that child may need or want from their parents.  I CAN relate with the girl who struggles with her self- image and her worth.  I CAN identify with a divorced mother single trying to make it in the world, and I CAN relate to the adult child who loses their identity when their parents divorce after 25 years of marriage.  I CAN also relate to the ones who have had miscarriages, loss of life, struggles physically, and emotionally. 

Not only CAN I relate with these people, but I WANT to be used by God, my God, to reach out to these people and pour out His love as an overflow of the love He has shown to me! For if I have all this in my life and yet do nothing with it, to advance His good work, what have I to be praised for by Him? He has helped and guided me through EACH and EVERY time I needed it, and mostly when I wanted it- He has forgiven me of the wrong I have done against Him- the least I can do for Him is to share this love and let it pour over into the world! 

A lady at church tonight was almost embarrassed because she felt like God was still teaching her things at 41 years old...I simply said, "Well, I hope we are always learning as long as we are here, because when He stops working on us, He calls us home with Him..."  She looked at me a little funny, and said, "yeah, I guess that's true."

I want to help young people.  I want to reach young girls.   I want to reach parents of young girls, and I want to be used by God to help this dying world of teenagers rise up to praise God and serve Him actively in their lives!  I want to help mothers thinking of abortion to either keep their babies or find adoptive parents for them.  I want to help the girl who gets pregnant as a teenager with no support at home.  I want to teach her how to take care of her body during pregnancy, and how to care for her baby after it is home.   I want to make a difference! There is a love to offer this world, but it won't be found at an abortion clinic, and sadly, too often, it isn't found in a counseling session! 

I hope that those of you reading this do not believe I think highly of myself.  It is quite the opposite...I do not have a life I would consider to be proud of- but I DO have a NAME I am proud of and I DO have a Father that we can share!  That may be all I have to offer this world, but it is enough to lead it to it's own salvation! 

Do you know anyone who needs any of this? If so, please send me their name or contact information.  I would love to be in touch with them, if even just to pray with them.  I want to have the opportunity to reach these girls.  I do not know exactly how, or the timing which God has planned, but  I am convinced God has a plan! I am also convinced I want to be a part of it!

Where are you?  Have you been addicted to anything, know what it feels like to be abandoned, abused, neglected, or persecuted?  What has God allowed to happen in your life that He is wanting to receive the Glory for? There are many different walks of life- mine is just ONE!  God wants to use you too and you don't have to have all answers- just a purpose! What is yours?